Tag Archives: relationship

Religion Versus Relationship

Religion cannot nurture a dynamic relationship with God because such a relationship has to transcend the rigid structure inherent to religion. By its very nature, a dynamic relationship with God is fluid and growing and ever-fresh, whereas religion is a fixed blueprint for belief and behavior that confines us within its predetermined boundaries. You can have both religion and relationship, but religion alone doesn’t provide the impetus to propel you toward intimacy with God. That is a journey that requires you to break free from convention and to take risks that challenge your understanding of self and God. To do so, you must leave the safe realm of religion.

A Dynamic Relationship with God

Intimacy is a primary characteristic of any meaningful relationship. It is demonstrated by mutual transparency and vulnerability where we allow our real selves to be seen by the other. As we lower our guard before God and allow him to see us as we truly are, we allow his unconditional love to touch and heal our hidden selves. Eventually, we learn that God is a safe place for us to be completely honest and vulnerable, where we can courageously tell him our deepest fears and hurts. Intimacy works both ways. As we become real with God, God becomes real to us. James 4:8 says, “Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you.” God wants to show himself to us, but we must take the first step to show him our real selves, flaws and all. Psalm 145:18 says, “The Lord is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth.” If we hope to experience God’s nearness, God expects us to approach him with full honesty and no pretenses.

In my book, Four in the Garden, Creator says to Cherished, “We can only touch the outermost layer of your being that you allow us to touch. When you set aside those defensive layers, we can reach into your soul and inhabit the deepest part of your being. When deep touches deep, we can share in each other fully. Mutual disclosure is the basis for intimacy.” As is true for any relationship, self-disclosure promotes intimacy with God. My most profound interactions with God were times when I was desperate enough to be completely honest about my deep need for his help and healing, but also times when I made myself bare before him and relished the absolute joy of being fully seen and fully loved by him.

A Personal History with God

Another aspect of relationship is shared history. This is the sequence of shared events that describe the course of a relationship over time; the memories and markers that add meaning and value to the relationship. A dynamic relationship with God includes these markers. I’m referring to answered prayers, gut-honest conversations, moments of spiritual insight and discovery, sorrow over one’s failings, wrestling with God over things we don’t understand or don’t want to do, times of heartfelt prayer, experiences of awe and wonder, or any experience where we connect to God in a memorable or meaningful way. I call this a “personal history with God.” It’s important to build a personal history with God as that anchors us during times of turbulence, giving us something real to fall back on when doubt sets in. If we walk through life with God at our side, then we will encounter him regularly along the way, especially if we are open and expectant. These interactions not only help create a history with God but also promote growth as we learn more about ourselves and God through such events.

If we want God at our side, then we must invite him. Jesus says in Revelation 3:20, “I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with that person, and they with me.” The picture described here is that of having a meal, a common activity where relationship occurs and is developed; an intimate setting where conversation and closeness happen. When we do invite Jesus into our lives, then he expects a place at the head of the table and we become the host that serves. He becomes the center of our lives and we step aside to let him run things as we trust him. It sounds scary to give our lives over to him. It took me weeks to gather the courage before I took that step, but I have learned, since that day, that he does a much better job of directing my life than I could ever do.

The Joy of Relationship

God is an expert at relationship. He created it. The members of the Trinity, the Father, Son and Holy Spirit, have been in constant communion from the beginning. This model relationship is characterized by intimacy and joy. When Jesus was baptized, the Holy Spirit descended on him and a voice came from heaven: “You are my Son, whom I love; with you I am well pleased.” This intimate moment demonstrated the love and affirmation shown within the Trinity. Within this holy relationship, each gives and receives from the other, respects the other, and loves the other. Through Jesus, we are invited to participate in this communion where we can interact with all three and experience a taste of the intimacy and joy of holy relationship. In its most profound expression, the deep sharing and communion of relationship results in joyful delight experienced in the union of spirit, the embrace of unconditional and rapturous love, and the absolute trust in and surrender to that love. This joy is the hallmark of God’s triune relationship and is something that he invites us into.

Religion: Ritual, Repetition, and Requirements

We must beware the trappings of religion as they can suffocate our relationship with God. Ritual provides us with meaningful touchstones for our faith, but they can become hollow if they devolve into outward practices where we just go through the motions. Even friends and family have rituals, like opening presents on Christmas morning, but if the meaning is lost, then they no longer serve to enhance relationship. In our relationship with God, we must guard against going through the motions. When that happens, we need to find new rituals that instill new meaning for us and that foster deeper connection to God.

Regarding repetition, Matthew 6:7-9 says, “And when you are praying, do not use meaningless repetition like the Gentiles do, for they suppose they will be heard for their many words. So do not be like them; for your Father knows what you need before you ask Him. This, then, is how you should pray: “Our Father in heaven….” In these verses, Jesus warns against the impotence of repetition. In the following verses, he then goes on to teach us how we should pray. The first two words set the stage for relationship when he starts with “Our Father.” Unfortunately, people have turned this example into a static prayer instead of a guide for meaningful, conversational prayer. Notice that Jesus is teaching us how to pray, not what to pray. Repetition can make any relationship stale. Relationships require new input and fresh activities in order to grow. Look for ways to move beyond repetition in your relationship with God in order to keep things fresh.

Religion establishes requirements that direct us toward behaviors that please God. The danger here is that rules and regulations can breed either resentment or fear. We may become resentful from having to follow strict rules. Or we may become fearful of punishment should we fail to follow them. In Matthew 22:37-40, Jesus says, “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.” When love is missing, then religion becomes a taskmaster and requirements become a heavy burden that brings no joy. The key here is relationship, where love can be fostered. We must focus on relationship over regulations. Focusing on regulations will smother love. When we focus on relationship, then love can bloom. When we cultivate a loving relationship with God, then we will want to do what pleases him. We would be like the psalmist in Psalm 40:8 who says, “I delight to do your will, O my God.”

An Eternal Relationship

Jesus says in John 17:3, “Now this is eternal life: that they know you, the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom you have sent.” Jesus doesn’t define eternal life as living forever, as we would normally define it. Instead, he uses the relationship language of knowing God. He isn’t specifying knowing about God, but knowing God personally and experientially. In its truest sense, eternal life is being in relationship with God. This relationship is eternal because God is eternal and this relationship is life because God is life. By being in relationship with God, we are assured to live forever, because he lives forever. Those whom Jesus will reject will be those to whom he says, “I never knew you.”

Questions for Reflection:

Since God knows everything about you, why is it so hard to be honest with God?
Can you identify three important milestones in your personal history with God?
Which area in your relationship with God is the most stale? How might you correct that?

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Rick Hocker is a game programmer, artist, and author. In 2004, he sustained a back injury that left him bed-ridden in excruciating pain for six months, followed by a long recovery. He faced the challenges of disability, loss of income, and mounting debt. After emerging from this dark time, he discovered that profound growth had occurred. Three years later, he had a dream that inspired him to write his award-winning book, Four in the Garden. His goal was to help people have a close relationship with God and to share the insights he gained from the personal transformation that resulted from his back injury. He lives in Martinez, California.

For more articles, visit http://www.rickhocker.com/articles.html
Website: http://www.rickhocker.com
Email: mail@rickhocker.com

Willfulness

In my book, Four in the Garden, I avoided the use of the word “sin” because it’s such a religiously-loaded and off-putting word. It conjures feelings of shame, guilt, and condemnation. Rather than driving us to God, it generally has the opposite effect. Sin is often used to describe “bad” behavior or to describe the lifestyle of “bad” people. The traditional view of sin is that it makes us the object of God’s anger and subject to His judgment. In some unenlightened circles, we’re told that sin is sin because it’s “wrong.” Or sin is wrong because it’s sin. This shame-inducing mentality doesn’t lead us to experience the abundant life that Jesus talks about: “I have come that they may have life and have it to the full.” – John 10:10.

So I chose the word “willfulness” in place of sin. I think the word willfulness more aptly describes the true nature of sin. When we are willful, we insist on our own way, we resist authority, and we are unyielding. From a relational perspective, willfulness pushes others away and doesn’t take into account their thoughts or feelings. When we are willful, we push God away, we reject His participation in our lives, and we refuse to listen to Him.

A Meaty Example

Let’s suppose I’m on a road trip with friends and we stop for dinner. I suggest we stop at In-N-Out because I’m in the mood for one of their hamburgers. Others weigh in with their suggestions, but I insist on In-N-Out. A friend says, “You had a hamburger for lunch. Don’t you want something different for dinner?” I say, “It wasn’t an In-N-Out burger. It’s not the same. It’s In-N-Out or nothing.” Another friend says, “Eating hamburgers isn’t healthy. Shouldn’t you have a salad instead?” I say, “I don’t want a salad. I want an InN-Out burger. I won’t change my mind.”

The above example illustrates how willfulness behaves. Willfulness is usually expressed as “my way or no way.” It’s stubborn, doesn’t listen to reason, doesn’t consider consequences, and doesn’t make room for the will of others. It’s an energy that asserts its will and resists or discounts any opposing forces. We use it to justify our unhealthy or addictive behaviors. Can you think of situations where you were willful? In what ways have you been willful toward God?

It’s About Relationship

We need to discuss the effects of willfulness in light of our relationship with God. Jesus died to make relationship with God possible, so sin (willfulness) is defined in terms its damaging effects on relationship. The wrongness of willfulness is due to the relational harm it causes. When we are full of our own will, we disregard others and disregard the interdependence we have with others. From the beginning, God wanted relationship with us. When willfulness enters, we set ourselves as independent of God, severing our relationship with Him. That’s why God abhors willfulness. God hates anything that damages our relationship with Him. His primary concern is our relationship with Him and how our behaviors affect that relationship. Some people think His main concern is whether we are “sinning” or not.

God can’t work with willfulness because it’s oppositional. Willfulness resists God. And God resists willfulness. Willfulness can be subtle. It manifests when we rationalize our behavior, when we make excuses for our faults, whenever we shove God aside or ignore Him.

Laying It Down

When we recognize willfulness in our lives, we have a choice between holding on to it or to holding on to God. We can’t do both. True spirituality is to lay down our willfulness and submit to God’s will instead. It’s a choice between our will and God’s will. The humility God seeks of us is to lay down our will and to choose to trust Him, believing that His will for us is good. The hard part is doing this on a regular basis. It’s a daily practice to recognize willfulness within our hearts and to intentionally lay it down every time. In doing so, we make ourselves open to relationship with God. Instead of resisting Him, our humility invites Him to take residence in our hearts so He can engage us daily in ever-growing relationship with Him.

In my book, Four in the Garden, the protagonist, Cherished, chooses forbidden knowledge. This act of willfulness is seen as a declaration of independence from Creator. In effect, Cherished chooses knowledge over having to depend on Creator for guidance. His willfulness has shoved Creator aside, thus destroying his relationship with Creator. Self-rule becomes the norm for Cherished, but he learns that being master of his own life isn’t that great.

Like Cherished, we struggle with the tension between depending on ourselves and depending on God. Depending on God seems fraught with uncertainty. Depending on ourselves feels like the more reliable option, but it fails us when life gets difficult. In my experience, depending on God is the better option because God has shown Himself faithful to those who trust Him.

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Rick Hocker is a game programmer, artist and author. In 2004, he sustained a back injury that left him bed-ridden in excruciating pain for six months, followed by a long recovery. He faced the challenges of disability, loss of income and mounting debt. After emerging from this dark time, he discovered that profound growth had occurred. Three years later, he had a dream that inspired him to write his award-winning book, Four in the Garden. His intent was to illustrate one’s growth toward deep communion with God and to share the insights he gained from the personal transformation that resulted from his back injury. He lives in Martinez, California.

For more articles, visit http://www.rickhocker.com/articles.html
Website: http://www.rickhocker.com
Email: mail@rickhocker.com

A Solitary Adam, without Eve

One of the most dramatic detours from the Garden of Eden story is that Four in the Garden explores the relationship between one person and God. In the Garden of Eden story, God created a companion for Adam because none of the animals proved to be a suitable companion for him. In the book, Four in the Garden, Creator chose to not create a companion for Cherished because He wanted nothing to distract from their relationship. That relationship is the focus of the story and that’s why I made the decision that Cherished would not have a companion or even a pet. So many things distract us from our relationship with God and yet that relationship is so important to God.

Removing the Trappings that Trip Us

Four in the Garden takes place in a primordial world, before rules and before religion. There is no church, no organized system of worship, no predefined code of conduct. Just God. I found this the ideal setting to depict God because I could describe a relationship with God without all the trappings of religion or culture or history. I could depict this relationship in a pure form as it ought to be portrayed. In its writing, I was careful to avoid words that are religiously loaded terms such as God, faith and sin.

I wanted to show what a relationship with God might look like, complete with the full range of emotions that accompany any meaningful relationship. We experience joy and disappointment, understanding and frustration in human relationships and our relationship with God is no different. I believe that our relationship with God develops in the same way as our other relationships develop, as we learn to task risks, be honest and trust more and more. We have setbacks. We misunderstand. We get angry. But if we value the relationship, we work through those issues and hopefully grow closer.

An Intimate God

When we think of emotional intimacy, we rarely think of God. Yet, God created intimacy. Not only that, but God is capable of deep intimacy. Some people were put off by the intimacy Creator showed the main character, Cherished, in my book, Four in the Garden. Why is it so easy to imagine a loving father snuggling with his child, but so difficult to picture a heavenly Father being intimate and playful with a child of His? We struggle with that image because it is not our experience. And yet, our discomfort with it prevents us from experiencing it. God desires intimacy with us, but only to the extent we allow it.

God and Brussels Sprouts

People seem to either love or hate Brussels sprouts. People who hate them made that determination because they have tried them at least once in their lives. Then you have those people who have spurned God because they tried that once, too, and they didn’t like it or it didn’t work for them. But I wonder what it was they tried.

When people reject God, often they are rejecting their perception of God. That perception is based on upbringing, religious teaching, church/temple experience, and encounters with religious people. How many people have actually encountered God directly? Many of those who fall in that category would say the experience was positive.

Pure Relationship with God

In writing Four in the Garden, I tried to present a relationship with God in the purest form possible, stripping away religious and man-made obstacles. The ideal I aimed for was to give people a direct experience with God.

One person reading the book explained his surprise at being presented with a relationship with God that he found workable, one that he had never considered before. He is struggling to know what to do with that information. I suppose that if a person is being shown an open door, then he must make a decision whether to walk through it.

Why the book?

In February 2007, I had a dream. I dreamt that I was sitting in a college religion class. The class was discussing a book that presented a world where God had created only one person. The story described the growing relationship between this person and God. When I awoke, I concluded that God wanted me to write this story, believing that it had not yet been told. I started writing later that year, beginning with a chapter in the middle of the book. It didn’t take me long to discover that I didn’t know how to write a book. In September 2009, I found a writer’s workshop that I have been attending ever since. My writing teacher, Sue Clark, is brilliant and I have learned so much from her. With her help and thirteen revisions later, I finished my manuscript on February 7th of this year. Over time, the book gained a life of its own and took me places I didn’t expect to go. I take that as a good sign and hope that the journey for the reader will be as rewarding as it has been for me.